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Tuesday
Oct082013

{Texture Tuesday} My Boys & another True Confessions

Brett & Bryce - textured with waterfront 18 

Dear friends,

Welcome to another Free & Easy Texture Tuesday. Thanks for stopping by....and sharing your beautiful textured art!

I've decided to continue the Free & Easy TT theme for a while longer...... Keeping it simple these days.

I'm so grateful you all continue to pop by and link up your beautiful textured photos...... THANK YOU.

::

I hope this TT finds you well.....

Today's images were taken this past weekend. We did a shoot at the cathedral across the way from The Port.... The light is almost always exceptional there. 

It was fun....

I took my mac up to the hospital today to show John the photos....  He was wishing Bryce took his 'shades' off for a few... But, Bryce was having lots of fun..... and now I have an excuse to do another shoot.... next time Brett comes to town.

Here's a few more of my favs.

 

True Confession

The photo shoot was fun.... but the weekend was tough..... The stress from this past several months seems to have hit. I'm been feeling sad, angry....frustrated....disappointed....fed up. Today I considered staying in bed ... under the covers..... a real pity party..... but I didn't... 

Honestly... my little pity party has been ongoing for several days..... thoughts of poor me, I'm tired of this... I wanna go home; sit in my studio.... cuddle with Ben, be by myself, take photos in the white room....on and on. Thoughts of..... why don't the boys ever ask me how I'm doing? Don't they know how hard this is for me?... Like I said... a pity party. 

This weekend I said to Brett...... 'Why don't you ever just say... Mom, how are you doing...are you okay?'.... His response... 'Mom... why would I? I know exactly how you are doing.... Shitty..... Dad has CANCER... Obviously you aren't doing well... none of us are!.....'

Heart breaking......

When one person gets cancer...the entire family gets it.... Each struggling in our own unique way..... We are doing the best we can..... processing the struggles and confusion...one day at a time. We are all hurting.

Anyhow..... There you have it.... my latest.... True Confession. How 'bout you?
Feel free to share in the comments below.
:)

Thank you for listening.... 

How 'bout a long overdue...token of my love & appreciation......


Texture Lovin' Listers the download is coming your way... 
Not on the list? Click HERE to sign up and start receiving freebies right away.

::

Before I go... John is doing well, considering all he's been through. We won't know exactly how his body is going to react to the transplant for a few more weeks... But we are praying for the best......  thank you again for all the love and support....

Until next time....

::

Let's get this TT started.....

with gratitude..... always......

xo,

 

Reader Comments (73)

I really don't know what to say....my dear college friend has been warring with cancer for more than two years, relatively successfully. But she has started chemo again because her "cancer markers are up." My SU! demo is presently in remission after her cancer diagnosis about 18 months ago. I can't imagine having a family loved one with the Big C. You are tough...resilient...and I think a day in bed under the covers would make perfect sense. If your sons are "typically" male, they want to take care of this, handle the problem, but they feel helpless, just as you do. And your blog-land friends feel helpless, as well, so all we can do is offer prayers, send positive thoughts, and wish the very best for your John----and your family as a whole.
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEvelyn in Oregon
Your post is touching... I think your son is very wise...when something like this happens it affects a lot of people.
-Keep fighting!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKatarina
Dear friend you are entitled , it is a strain to be upbeat to keep going and to get out of bed in the morning. You are doing amazingly and I'm so pleased to hear John is ok. Lovely to see the other men in your life at least they will pose, my 24 year old so far has not been accommodating in the portrait field !!!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterViv
my candle continues to burn for you...your boys may not say much...but they are there...just as we are all here for you...
Your words brought tears to my eyes, Kim. You have every right to want to stay in bed, but you did get up. I love that your boys posed for you - bless them!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarb
I think shitty pretty much sums up anyone going thru the horrors of Cancer....the "victim" as well as tho who love him.
Kim, I can't imagine the toll this is all taking on your mind, body, and spirit - if anyone deserves to have a momentary pity party, it's you. I continue to pray for you and John...your strength through this is truly inspiring. You have two very handsome sons! xo
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSherri B.
Without being sexist, I think men do handle things like this differently and if they can't fix it, they don't want to talk about it. For many of us, of the feminine gender, just being able to talk about something, get our feelings out in the open, maybe get validation that it is understandable that we feel that way, is therapeutic and makes us feel better but most men don't seem to feel that way.
Recently, my son's girlfriend was going through some stress as a result of someone smashing into her parked car, She needs the car every day to commute to school and she was battling a bit with the insurance about getting it fixed and getting a loaner etc. I noticed my son never asked her how it was going or if she had got things resolved with the insurance and when I asked him why his response was, "why would I do that? She is stressed enough about it why would I remind her, I'd rather talk about other things that are happier and get her mind off it."

Similar in a way to your son's "why ask I know the answer and it isn't good."
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne D
Oh Kim....i've always loved your sheer honesty with us. Stay in bed under the covers? Absolutely. To be living under the Big "C" umbrella must take everything you've got and then some. Such a toll on the whole family. But what a fabulous family you have. Love the shoot with your boys. They are present....supportive, sensitive....and handsome! One step at a time...one foot in front of the other.... Sending hugs & prayers. xo
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJudy Johnson
Oh Kim, I wish I could give you a great big hug (she says with tears in her eyes). I have no idea what you are going through....but in my own little world with a son that was recently diagnosed with systemic juvenile rhuematoid arthritis and very very sick for some time, bone marrow biopsy to rule out the "c" I know how stressful that was on the entire family. We had to go through a battery of tests to rule out heart conditions, and blood disorders, and then there was a leg bleed in his muscles in his legs....it goes on. It's finally controlled but there is always in the back of my mind complete worry as one of the risks of his infusions is lymphoma...this unsettled feeling never really goes away.

I found and still do, that when you are a strong person on the outside, people forget to ask how "you" are. And when they do, you are almost afraid to tell them the truth. Picking up my camera everyday, even though I didn't feel inspired, is what helped to keep my sanity. It simply redirected my worry into creativity where I could escape from it all for just a little while.

I wish you peace and love Kim!! xo
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim Stevens
tears flowing ... k if i come and crawl under those blankets with you? i wouldn't say a word.
i see the wearing in your eyes and just in your being lately ... you have every right to be feeling like hell, cuz you are living some hell right here on earth ... you could go back to that text i wrote and scream it into your pillow, or up to the sky, or in my ear ~ anytime. you can't expect yourself to be strong all the time on this rollercoaster.
when i saw brett's pic of you and him on his fb timeline, i felt like he is expressing 'it's ok mom, i've got you' and as much as this tears them apart, your boys are with you. i saw that before i read your post today.
love you girl
now, go pull that blanket over your head for as long as you need ...
a moment of hush will eventually offer you the light and hope you need to pull back the covers.
moment by moment ...
xxxxoooo
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterprairiegirl
Lovely photos of your sons, Kim !
So touching to read how you're feeling ...
big hugs,
Sylvia
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSylvia
Beautiful, beautiful photos of your sons Kim!!! The bottom one is priceless, and tells a story all on its own. Such a very long journey, and being away from your own home comforts and surroundings has made the time even more unsettling and weary. I trust you find the courage to press on, the light is at the end of the tunnel, and I hope it comes soon for you! xo
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBeverly
Your words are filled with wisdom and poignancy. I love the shots of your sons. You have such a wonderful talent with your camera and photographer's eye. I'm sure it's somewhat therapeutic during these times. Comfort, blessings and strength to you and yours during this trying time.
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisa
Hi Kim. I haven't done Texture Tuesday in a long time. Still get the emails though, so I stopped by and read your post. Hanging in there, sad, that's all anyone can do.
I've been having a pity party myself all year but it sure isn't about horrible cancer or health issues. Mine, in the big picture, isn't at devastating. I'm not going to waste anyone's time evening telling about it. I'm putting myself on a new track - I always slip off and have to put myself back on it again and again and again. But anyhow, it's my favorite time of the year, I'm finally cleaning out my digital files and organizing. 2011 was a great year with garden pictures - June thru October - some of the best pictures I have. Fond memories. I'm going to contemplate on that....
My thoughts and prayers are still with you even though I'm not around much, just 2B.
Hugs,
Laurie
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie
You have every right there is for a pity party, Kim, I mean, how much more can you take! Sending lots of love and a big warm hug!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRosie Grey
Shitty is perfectly acceptable. You're boys are so handsome and the camera loves them too. My mom was just diagnosed-I'm waiting-as we speak how she did on her biopsy-Pancratic for sure-just not sure how deep. I read with great interest you're ebb and flow of this disease. I'm glad to hear John is well at this writing. strength in numbers Kim. xo
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKelly
Oh, Kim, I had no idea you and your family were going through this. You're absolutely correct - if someone in the family has cancer, you ALL deal with it. Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my mom's passing from ovarian cancer. It was a horrible and stressful time for my family during her battle, one that I wouldn't wish on anyone! There were also so many blessings wrapped up in disguise - mostly that I couldn't recognize at the time. I'm glad you shared your story, as I have learned first hand what a wonderful support system this crazy blog world is. I'm not sure how I would have made it without the love and support and prayers from my blog friends.

The final photo of your boys speaks volumes. Wishing you and yours peace and grace and hope during this difficult journey!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDeb @ PaperTurtle
I know, it has to be incredibly stressful. So many people don't think about the kids even if the 'kids' are grown but this kind of thing affects the whole family. Wishing wellness for John and for you all
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiane
Hi Kim, I first want to say I am terribly sorry to hear of your husbands illness.... I am a cancer survivor now 5 years. I must say that it's the worst experience anyone can go thru... but the one thing that you and your boys have to do is be "positive" if not this could drag your husband down and the recovery process will take longer.... I had chemo and radiation and would not wish this on my worst enemy. My husband who is never positive about anything was there for me with smiles and "you can do this" attitude... so hang in there and I will be saying extra prayers for you, your husband and the boys.....

keep smiling
it will get better.. :)
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJanine
You have every right to have a pity party. This is tough stuff that you are going through. I am hoping there are better days ahead for you and your family . . . and soon. I am glad to hear that John is doing well considering all he is been through and keeping him and you in my thoughts.

Your portraits of your sons are breathtakingly beautiful--such lovely, contemplative moments captured. Take care of yourself and let your boys take care of you as well. Warmest wishes to you.
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie
What wonderful candid shots of your handsome boys. You all are under such stress.... remember always, one foot in front of the other every day, that is all you can do. Deal with each day as best as you can then let it go. I feel for you all - this is such a BAD time for John and all of you, but there will be GOOD things that come out of this bad time- try to remember that. Please know that you are in our prayers and that you are loved...we are all rooting for you!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDeede
Thank you for the textures. I don't know how you manage to cope with posting - let alone creating textures for freebies. But they are appreciated.

You have two good-looking boys, and it sounds as if they are very considerate and loving.

I'm glad to hear that your husband is doing well. I'm wishing you and your family all the best - you will get through this!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine
Oh, Kim, I'm sorry about your husband's cancer. Without knowing any details, I can only hope that it was caught early and that the treatment will work and he'll come out on the other side healthy. I know people who are cancer survivors, and now in addition to two colleagues (one who had a double mastectomy some months ago and another who two weeks ago was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, a particularly virulent type of cancer) whom I wish well, I'm hoping your husband will be fine. Stay strong. My thoughts are with you and your family.
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMim
Thank you for the lovely textures.
I am praying that your husband will be successfully treated and that The Lord will be with him and his doctors.
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn
There are ups and downs and the "road" is long. Try to cherish the ups, since nobody knows where or when the road ends.
Remember Forrest Gump;
"Life was like a box of chocolates, you never you what you've gonna get"
Tomorrow will be another day.

Thank's for sharing all your textures. You've shared your talent with us and made our day! Isn't that great!
Hopefully a smile on your face...
And the kids are often wiser than we, the adults when a familly is going through a hard time...
Carpe diem!
We should all do that. Life is too short to be spoiled away :)
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPauliina
. . . your post brought tears to my eyes . . . and made me think of my son (who's wife is battling this dreaded disease) . . . he has been soooo strong (of course he has to be - he's the husband & the dad - so he has no choice but to be strong) . . . so no words of wisdom as you are carrying this terrible burden . . . but thoughts & prayers & (((hugs))) . . .
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdragonflydreams88
Oh my Kim, dearest lady,
... you are entitled to feel like this. So don't feel guilty. Your boys are right as well and it does affect the whole family. Each of us feels it differently but unlike your boys, you feel the strain of it all on a deeper level.

Your husband, the man you have molded and built your life around is dealing with a life threatening illness. You have been strong, resilient, loving and supportive. The difference between you and your sons is that everything that happens to him is happening right in your face with you as well. You are the yin and yang to each other. Our (grown) children deal with it on a different level when a parent is ill. Sure, it's their Dad, he is their hero and they love him with all their heart and yes they are in pain because of it, ... seeing him struggle through the treatments.

We wives who stick around for the drama of such things come away with stronger, deeper, more in tune physical and psychological connections to our husbands. It's one of those things that we take seriously, our vows proclaim it.
It is important to look at every single part of this 'life altering' experience and come away more educated but the biggest most integral part of it is that your love is deeper, your outlook on life is stronger and you notice all the things that matter, ... more so than before.

You have already seen changes in your day to day life away from home, you've adapted, you've grown and you both will move through this with a different attitude ... a good attitude about what you've had to endure.

It's okay to feel poor me, have a pity party ... it's important that you Noticed that that is what it was. I can relate on such a deep level to what you are feeling because as I read your words, they were my words 10 years ago ... and no one can fathom how deep and great the toll is on you while you support the one you love. Your whole life is different, each moment you move through in your day is different. It's basically Intense every moment. You are feeling differently about each event of the day than John does because you are on the outside looking in. Each day he is in the hospital, each day that he is having procedures done, each day that he has to endure one more anything ... is totally on a different level than how you deal with each of those things.

You are the glue right now, you have to keep your outside life ... going, while you add the different dimensions of all this on top of your everyday existance. It's completely exhausting, I get it. The thing is, no one else in your immediate space (family) understands what you need in order to endure. So ... don't feel bad you had to ask your son why he doesn't ask how you are ... all you were doing was reaching for some acknowledgement. A hug goes such a long way.

You are doing amazing, the journaling, the sharing, taking the time to understand each step will see you through this journey.
Please don't feel guilty for feeling worn out, tired and sad or disappointed. It's all for a reason and it's okay to notice the shit your dealing with is making you that way. It's also okay to feel angry ... and even ... alone. Your fricken human woman!

Life .... breathe, smile, and .... Remember to Notice When You are Happy .... all will be well, there is a purpose for adversity. You're doing everything right.

My advice to your boys ...
Brett and Bryce,
Please Give your Mom a a big hug and tell her how much you appreciate her. Not all Moms would stick around for such drama and when going through such an upheaval with the Man she loves, ... it's nice to have a little added LOVE ... just because. She is allowed to feel this way and you owe it to her and your dad to help lift her up and hold her there when she needs it. It will help your dad's daily fight to know that you boys are there to lift her spirits because when that happens, he is lifted as well. I know this is a shitty situation, it's horrible. Life lessons and all that. You are good guys ... you'll get through this with them ... keep positive and visualize all of you being happy and healthy at the other end of this. Life is messy, deal with it. You will learn from this experience, I guarantee it.
Hugs to you too. And by the way ... you're both handsome guys, Mom did an awesome job sharing you. Thanks for allowing her to do that. She is so proud of you and loves you with all her heart. You've got a great one ... of course you know that.

To all of you .... you are lifted daily in spirit and love. As Einstein said ... "In the middle of every difficulty lies Opportunity" .... it's there. You are strong, humans are resilient ... before you know it, this will just be a memory and your life will be richer and more loving because of it. Look how much time has past since the diagnosis ... it's almost over (in a good way) ... you all rock!

With much love and understanding,
xo, Joy
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoy Gerow
Thank you for taking time out of your day to still share with us all. I am thinking of you all today and hoping that your husband has a speedy recovery. For now, I pray for strength for you all. ((hugs)).
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKat
I've been receiving your textures for a couple of years now. I enjoy them so much. Caught up on your posts. I do so agree with you that the entire family gets cancer when it knocks at your door. Our family is your family. It is a day to day journey , One long step after the other. Please know that the four walls of your home as they fall around you can be put back together, better and stronger. Blessings to you and your boys
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercebo
I continue to keep your husband, you, and your family in my prayers. I never fully understood the hell that cancer can bring until we experienced it ourselves. My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in early June. He's gone through chemo before surgery, had surgery, and now recovering. Soon he will begin chemo/radiation, so more worries and stresses to come. After a while, one just seems to run out of tears. And then there is the stress of the unknown. A normal life may goes on for others, but when cancer comes calling to a household, life is no longer normal. It is forever changed.

God bless you, sweetie. Hold tight to your loved ones. You WILL find the strength that you need.
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna M.
Kim ~ I have a very strong understanding of how you feel. Just over 12 months ago I underwent surgery (brain aneurysm clipping) that left me with deficits that have not allowed me to return to work role in mental health. My husband (who has been unable to work for all our married life due to incomplete paraplegia from spinal cord surgery) has recently been found to have an aneurysm on the aorta of his heart. His surgery was scheduled and then cancelled on the day. Only 3 days later we had a phone call from our 30 yo son to inform us he was at the local hospital. It had been thought he had gall stones, but scans showed he had bowel cancer which had spread to his liver. It is such a size to be inoperable and is incurable. Today he is having his second chemo treatment ....
Now I tell you this for no other reason than for you to know that I do understand ~ that the heartache and sense of oncoming challenges ~ of sadness and grief (for loss of the life that you/we know it) seems sometimes to great to bear.
But also, I believe we are never alone in our struggles. I pray for positive outcomes for your husband. My heart goes out to your children (who I have no doubt will be feeling lost in all this). Hang in there.
I will hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers ....
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharon
OH Kim ! I hear you...you have said it so well...CANCER...so ugly on all levels. I deal w/ it professional and in my life. We are all praying hard for you and your family. Thank you for your continuous generosity, given us so much thru your words.
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMary Underwood
sending prayers that in those moments when you need some extra emotional support, it will be there when you need it.
there is nothing that can describe the sadness and frustration that cancer brings on - in the person who has it and in everyone around them. I feel sad myself for you each day and have never met you or your husband...
even though my family has been touched by cancer three times, I still can only imagine what you and your family are feeling.

but along with the sadness, I hope you can feel your strength and courage. I pray for your husband, your boys and you. you all need support and every little bit helps.
since I can't hug you, I pray...

xo
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermarie palcic
Thanks for keeping it real, Kim. It's not all roses and rainbows and it's good to hear someone say that, to say what we feel too, and try to hide. Pity Parties are a part of the process and very needed. It lets us get out some of the grief, anger and fear, it lets us take time to feel the feelings. Moms are the rocks of the family, but that can be a pretty big burden, too, and we want that recognition in some small way which is why you wonder why your sons haven't asked you how you're doing. They may be afraid to ask because if their rock isn't doing well it means their world is really falling apart and that's their biggest fear. Kim, the bigger worry would be if you were to become numb to it all and nothing seemed to bother you. So, wallow in it, baby. Take all the time that you need!!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathe
Yep... Brett's word describes it well. It does feel that way and not wanting to get up I understand. We still get up each day... Lots of time I would wake up hoping it was a horrible dream instead of reality. But alias it isn't. Support from God and others is what got me through. My husband is occasionally paranoid about the cancer coming back, but with each clear scan it makes it more reassuring it's in remission.

It's nice you had the break to have a photo shoot with your boys! It helps to have a distraction now and then - great therapy. My husband used to kick me out of the house to do something in order to help with my sanity.

Prayers for his healing and your comfort!

{{{{HUGS}}}}
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie
Hi Kim,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I know too well how you feel. You have described it to a T. There is no reason to not talk about it or pretend that you feel any differently. My husband was diagnosed last September with throat cancer. His treatment was short (7 weeks), but very intense and painful and although it appears to have killed the tumor, it also did lifelong damage to his throat. So far he is doing well with it. Cancer is a devastating thing to go through physically and mentally for all involved. Just know that there are many out here who understand.
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Burzese
Many days during the last 5 1/2 months of my husband's life I said, "I can't do this any more!" The next day I would get up and go to the nursing home, stay with him and feed him his lunch and then, about a month into it, I began to go to my studio for three hours. He was usually sleeping anyway. It recharged me so I could go back, feed him his dinner and get him ready for sleep. As I look back, I marvel that I was able to last so long. I had plenty of pity party thoughts. If you need to huddle under the covers, do so. If I had done that, it could have become two, then three days. There is something to be said for enduring.

My boys are now 23 and 26. It's been 14 months since my husband passed away. They didn't visit him often and they pretty much went about their days working and playing. I think that they didn't have the capacity to express their feelings outwardly. They did cry a few times when they saw their him. Usually my 26 year old doesn't share his feelings, so I was really surprised when he cried openly at the memorial while taking his turn to talk about his Dad. My other son would not talk. Their Dad usually kept his feelings to himself. He didn't want to talk about what was happening to him in spite of my repeated tries to get him to open up.

Be kind to yourself and have your feelings even though they might make you feel guilty. They are only feelings after all. I continue to pray for a successful outcome.
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMadelin C. Wolf
Kim,
I hate to give advice when you are not looking for it so I will just say that, "So often the caretaker is the one that no one notices needs some care." It is then, that a family member or good friend (anyone out there hear this?) can jump in and take your "watch" while you go back to the comforts of home and hug that sweet Ben and sit in the warm light of your room. Alone and Healing! (ha well I got out of the generalization didn't I?)
That caretaker is refreshed and comes back with the ability to be positive and attentive. This is not selfish, it prevents the caretaker from falling ill, emotionally and physically, which is so common and tragic. talk with John, he will give you a signal if ok with it.
Take care of yourself, my friend, by asking for relief. And thank you for the lovely textures and photos of the boys. kk
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkathy
The sermon at church this week included mention of the wilderness, and so often we think we have done something terrible when we find ourselves there...but the truth it, that God is with us in the wilderness, to guide, comfort, lead, and to be there for us to lean on...sometimes just His Presence is all that we can comprehend, and sometimes we cannot even do that...

but He is still there, and He still holding your hand...

Blessings!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCindy
Prayers and hugs, dear one. Yes, you do need to stay under the covers for awhile and just BE!! You will put on your brave face later, but you have every right to crawl away and hid for a bit. If John is getting a bone marrow transplant and he is his own donor, I can say from experience with our son 1 year ago, that it went fantastic.
Yes, men handle stress differently, so I am sending you a huge hug... can you feel it???
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarb
What handsomest boys. Have all the breakdowns you need. You don't have to be a rock all the time. Blessings to you and John lots of love for you both. Peggy from pa
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy from PA
I will be thinking of you and you family, Kim, and sending you good thoughts.
Janet
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJanet
When I read what you've been going through dear Kim, I tear up, I remember and I think about how strong it is to be vulnerable and real and ask for what you need. A kind word, a hug...some help, a break, a day in bed even. You've been doing this for a long time now and it's damn hard. You're keeping it all together. Your boys do care, I can tell from their beautiful expressions and the fact that they posed for you...they are present but often it's hard for young men to say the soft things we women yearn to hear...our culture rewards stoicism and an outward toughness in men. There is a connection that happens when we speak from the heart and share our suffering. That is not self-pity, that is self-compassion. When cancer hit our family, each member dealt with it quite differently. Who we are and how we cope is revealed and tested through trials like these. There is no right way, there is no wrong way. There is only through...and forgiveness for ourselves and others for being human...May love fill your heart and stay with you through this awful time, Kim. And may all of you become closer than ever...
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSherry
prayers for all of you kim....each and everyone of you !!!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterbeth
So kind of you to share these textures, especially at this time. My heart goes out to you and your family.

No words can ease your trials right now, but know that there are others who understand and God will help you get through this. You are in the prayers of many of us.

What great pictures of your young men! Thanks again for taking the time to share your story and talent with us!
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentertxgrandma
Dear Kim, my heart goes out to you and your family. I know exactly what you mean when you say when "one person gets cancer, the whole family gets cancer." Went through this with my mother some years back and to say it's difficult is putting it mildly. I wouldn't say you are having a "pity party" - you are being honest about how bad this hurts and the fact that you are struggling with this situation is only normal. I wish there was something I could say or do for you that might ease your pain. I'll do the only thing I can - pray for you and your family and sending loving, healing thoughts your way. And check in once in awhile to see how you are doing and how your husband is holding up. One more thing - thanks for sharing with your readers. Trust me when I say it's going to help someone out here to handle their own traumatic situation.
Hugs
October 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSherry D'Ambrosio
I don't have any words that could possibly in any way make you feel better about things, what you are going through, what your family is going through is certainly sh---y! But, I will continue to pray.

His Words are better than mine could possibly be
Hebrews 13:5 Amplified Bible... He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]
October 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth
Your way of dealing with your sorrow is brave and inspiring. I wish for your husband's full recovery and may you all keep loving...
October 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVeredb
Dear Kim,

I'm so sorry to know you and your family are dealing with cancer, each of you in a way. I hope your husband feels better and his body responds well to the treatments. It's great that you didn't keep the pity party going and decided to fight it. Moms are the pillars of the families. Thank you for sharing these beautiful textures with us even though you haven't been feeling so great lately. My thoughts are with you and your family xx
October 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKatayoon from Iran

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